You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I forget how to act sober
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