Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I am available for nakedness
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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