"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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