I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
