At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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