Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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