hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes