He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
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i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
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Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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