Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
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I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
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She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him