Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(402): View more from Nebraska

P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.

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(310): View more from California

i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.

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(330): View more from Ohio

It's just like the Real World with babies

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(713): View more from Texas

splinters make it hard to masturbate

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(203): View more from Connecticut

Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me

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(714): View more from California

It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time

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(650): View more from California

she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.

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(407): View more from Florida

I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...

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(773): View more from Illinois

we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.

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