You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i think my mom watched the whole time
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk