U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.