i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
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can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
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And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems