if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
