Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

Favorite
(214): View more from Texas

a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(214): a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener http://tfl.nu/2syz

Replies (6) Good night (505) Bad night (2120)
Favorite
(608): View more from Wisconsin

Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."

(1-608): View more from Wisconsin

At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.

(608): View more from Wisconsin

Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(608): Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke." (1-608): At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account. (608): Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot. http://tfl.nu/k199

Replies (66) Good night (4573) Bad night (1183)
Favorite
(276): View more from Virginia

Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(276): Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face http://tfl.nu/0y76

Replies (7) Good night (3970) Bad night (803)
Favorite
(301): View more from Maryland

Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(301): Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night http://tfl.nu/wbgo

Replies (15) Good night (4357) Bad night (562)
Favorite
(302): View more from Delaware

and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(302): and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare... http://tfl.nu/t5mw

Replies (21) Good night (502) Bad night (3662)
Favorite
(630): View more from Illinois

He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(630): He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding. http://tfl.nu/mxqh

Replies (1) Good night (1231) Bad night (2488)
Favorite
(661): View more from California

Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(661): Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry... http://tfl.nu/rns6

Replies (6) Good night (885) Bad night (2193)
Favorite
(513): View more from Ohio

2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(513): 2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless. http://tfl.nu/7smn

Replies (16) Good night (4072) Bad night (644)
Favorite
(415): View more from California

The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(415): The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes. http://tfl.nu/qcrt

Replies (4) Good night (1249) Bad night (574)
Favorite
(780): View more from Alberta, CA

Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(780): Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off? http://tfl.nu/9svp

Replies (3) Good night (1221) Bad night (934)
Favorite
(805): View more from California

You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(805): You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like. http://tfl.nu/70wr

Replies (14) Good night (655) Bad night (1160)
Favorite
(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(412): I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden. http://tfl.nu/eagc

Replies (2) Good night (687) Bad night (315)
Favorite
(314): View more from Missouri

I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(314): I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that. http://tfl.nu/dkkg

Replies (3) Good night (624) Bad night (259)
Favorite
(815): View more from Illinois

After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(815): After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin. http://tfl.nu/me1g

Replies (3) Good night (921) Bad night (420)
Favorite
(703): View more from Virginia

I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(703): I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap http://tfl.nu/q0tw

Replies (1) Good night (343) Bad night (469)

Randomize

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Find Us On: