Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
