P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
It's just like the Real World with babies
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.