I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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