STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
