Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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