planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
