Ambien. No doubt about it.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
