Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
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I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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