I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
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Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
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We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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