Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
