have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize