Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Bang-toberfest begins!!
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
