I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
