i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
