the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
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somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
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he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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