WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
