walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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