a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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