You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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