im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
