i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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