I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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