This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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