She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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