Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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