she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Sober January is a disaster.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Randomize
