I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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