he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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