I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
