our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
