I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I understand Curling. That high.
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The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
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I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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