I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
