That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
