Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
