No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
