dude i'm inner monologue high
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I think i got beer on your cat.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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