Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
How does one acquire holy water?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
