Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Life is so much better after having sex.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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