Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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