I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
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And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
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I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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