fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
