I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
