I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
