it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
