ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize