I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
