we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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