She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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