Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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