Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
