the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
50% drunk capacity currently
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
