she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
