perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I pour the whiskey from now on