Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
These 25 Soulless Industries Have Been Scamming Us For Years
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN