Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me