What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Some Animals Are Total Jerks (10+ pics)
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?