It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore