What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You're a waste of cheezeits
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
