How is your vagina???
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.