Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities