ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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