I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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