Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
