we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
