is your mom at the bar?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
